My Little Love Diary(Chapter 1)

He was just like a little kid who couldn't stay still and needed to always do something. At first it had been one of the things that attracted me to him, then his childish innocence and laughter. How he was spontenous and looked so handsome when he smiled. His usual phrase was "Let's try this", it could be a dish, a new sex position, a new joint or anything  that caught his attention at the moment. He helped me love and live life a little more. I had met him at a point in my life where I was done with anything that smelled like a man but Jared, oh Jared. He had come like the light after the dark and I was in love with his light. We would make jokes and laugj at each other and with each other. Ours was like a friendship blessed with abandunt love. We never went to bed angry and we apologized to each other before things got out of hand. He was my perfect match if I could call him that. I remember how he would open doors for me, move my chair when we went out on dates, help me do my hair and wipe my make up off after a long day. He was the sweetest dude and I reciprocated his love in great deals as well. I loved Jared like my life. He felt like home and I did everything for him. He loved surprises so i surprised him a lot. I would get him lovely things when I went to shop, book him hair appointments and mani-pedi sessions. I would read up a new recipe and whip out something lovely to eat because my man loved a good meal. He loved to read as well and since I loved reading too, we spent a great deal on books. Sometimes we read two books together simultaneously in our bid to finish them fast and get started with new ones. 

Our relationship was moving smoothly till he PROPOSED. We had talked about it, not so seriously but we joked a lot about the number of kids we wanted and how our wedding would be, we often joked about running off to an island to go get married with nobody but the priest as witness. We laughed as I imagined the shock that our families faces would be full of when they discover a wedding commenced without them. But the day he proposed, I didn't know what to say. I really wasn't ready. I turned him down and asked for more time.  "I need to be ready. I don't really think I'm prepared for this....... " I started explaining to Jared. My Golden man. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I said NO. How would he understand i wasn't ready because  was Scared? 

I was too scared of what would become of us AFTER.There were things he didn't know about me and every-day I still hury knowing that there were things was hiding from him. His life was like a bare book to me and I knew all about him

"Rose, you're subotaging your own happiness. I don't get you sometimes " my sister Ivy said over the phone. She was smitten by Jared and I. I mean who wasn't? He was amazing and what Ivy called "every womans dream".Ivy knew about my failed marriage. It hadn't lasted upto a year when Ted started hitting me making me loose our babies twice. I had loved that man a lot but after that last beating that left me almost deaf with all the slaps and kicking, I fled. The divorce had been fast as my parents threatened to have him locked up if he tried to put up a fight. It had been tough. I was 25 then and single all over again. 

I had focused on my job, myself and chasing God. That's when Jared came along. It was like a surprise gift. But how can I ruin something so beautiful? I wondered and sighed. After I turned down his proposal over a month ago, he had still been good to me. So when he asked me to come over for dinner at his place, I made up my mind to tell him what I had been hiding. I owed him the truth atleast. Dinner had been great and after I was cuddled next to him, I told him all my fears. 

"Is that why you don't want a loud wedding? " He asked.I smiled and nodded. He held up my face and said in his soothing voice, "I won't promise you a perfect home, I won't promise you that I will never hurt you as I will unintentionally hurt you on some days but I promise to always choose you every-day no matter what. And I won't even think about hitting you. " I felt that. Tears stung my eyes. I tried hard not to cry. We had started kissing slowly and that's when he slid a ring out of his back pocket and asked

"Rose, will you marry me..... "

I was just deaf. I was numb. From the shock. When I recovered, I shouted YES. 

I texted Ivy that we had a wedding to plan. But was it a wedding? Nah, more of a funeral... 

(To be continued.....)