Almost 6 years ago at Nakuru some place vehicles have a stop over while going to places in Western Kenya, I met him this girl. After the many hours of deliberation thinking whether I should speak to her or not I finally summoned courage and approached her.
"Hi, I'm Owen, " she said "Hey Owen, I'm Leila. You know you could have done this when we were at the stage waiting for our bus. "
I couldn't help but laugh, damn, I already had a girlfriend, the first one by the way.
And for the next 5 years, Leila showed me what "to be loved" is. She gave me life. She was all I ever had at that point. I thought I was all gangster and grown up then cause I had already been in between 5 schools in my high-school life, I don't know how Leila did it but she never missed coming for visiting days at school even if it was just to say "hi" and leave. I later found out that she got expelled for sneaking out of school countless number of times.
Leila gave me love. She gave me life. She gave me devotion. She gave me belief. Like all I ever looked forward to was school holidays. Yeah, cause that's when we really used to catch up and that's when I was being taught lessons you're never taught by your parents or at school with anyone.
Leila got married last Saturday. And the groom, well, the groom isn't me.
Haha. ....I was stupid and played myself majorly this time I played myself. We spoke some 30 days ago, some 2 years after she'd left and that's when I learned of the depth of pain I'd caused this girl when she asked,
"Did you ever Love me? "
I shared over 5 years of my life with her yet somehow, through my actions, I'd made her doubt everything in the 5 years.
Yesterday mom asked me,
"And where's Leila? "
She lamented that Leila hadn't spoken to her in a month.
"Is everything okay? " she asked.
Long after she'd broken up with me, thus girl was still checking up on my mama. I almost broke down when mum said that if I fail to marry Leila, then it would be equivalent to loosing my purpose in life
"what you two have isn't something I'd wanna see end."
How do you tell your mum that you lost the girl who helped her sweep her 'lwanyi/pap'(field)?? the girl that brought her lipstick, hair spray and 'sampoo' from the city?? How???
And boy I've suffered for it, depression, I mean how is she happy with someone that's not me? When I heard that she had moved in with his NOW husband, I called her.
"Please, Leila, Please, just one more chance, please.. "
And this time I meant it. But I must have been too late.
She said
"Ed, we had 5 years together. You had enough time to change but never did. Why do you think I should beleive that you'll change now? It's done"
So soulmates get over you after all?
I think the hardest part about it is knowing that people will love you, but not with her intensity and honesty. Not with the fear she had. The fear of losing you. That's the safety you felt will never be there. That you'll matter to some girl, but not with a similar passion....
